Out my mind.

Every time I fall in love, I just be givin my mind away. I mean, I lose it totally: on a shoelace with nothin to tie itself to, in the bread basket downtown, in the crease of an elbow that ain’t even yours / I can never lose my mind somewhere that make sense — like a church, or that triangle where you, your momma and your stepdaddy be; a pillow where I should lay down for at least 7 hours / never there. I be leavin it in places like your doorstep, right next to my body when I stand there lookin foolish and excited. Even as I shuffle my feet—nervous, hopin you find me pretty as I felt last time I looked in the mirror—I can hear my momma voice tellin me never let a man know where you lay your head unless he payin a bill there / so here I am—out my mind—waiting for you to answer so I can see where you lay your head at, which cabinet you put your Lawry’s in, where your packs of chicken sausage and leg quarters go: whole time I’m thinkin, “maybe my mind somewhere in there.”

It ain’t though—and I shoulda known better—’cause you opened that door the color of eggshell and bone / and you smiled straight in my eyes and didn’t even look at my chest / and you ain’t even blink when you said to me, “Just the person I wanted to see; the only person I wanted to see…” I coulda told you right then where my mind was: sittin between your teeth, soakin on your gums / to tell you the truth, it was movin around that mouth all the ways I wanted to / my mind was doin everything except makin its way back to me.

You probably thought I was tryin to seduce you early, bein too sexy too soon / just grown, standin there on your doorstep like that, not even in the house yet / I was lookin at your lips when I said, “Hey,'' all soft and petal-like. I couldn’t even find your eyes. But I ain’t have my mind, so I couldn’t think of nothin too much better than hey / and wasn’t too many more places to look other than your mouth, other than your chin, other than that little ball on your throat, other than at you. That little lopsided grin I do when I’m thinkin too many things to say em, that shoulda told you everything when it slid on my face. You shoulda known then I was tryin real hard to be up to some good / just ain’t too much I can do when you standin there lookin like that.

But you know my family pray. You know I don’t be mindin no trouble. You know I love people real good when I can. I wasn’t tryin to make no fuss with you when I was standin there, even if I did have my mouth open a little / even if I did wear that dress with the short hem. I was just tryna look pretty for you the way the sunflowers in the field do when it’s they time. I really was just lookin for my mind baby / I really was just lookin at my mine.